Do you remember taking family car trips as a kid? From the back seat you would blurt out, “Are we almost there?” And then, 20 minutes later, “How much farther?”
As a parent, we find this incessant line of questioning annoying. If we’re two hours into a ten-hour trip, there are eight hours to go. We know precisely where we’re headed and how long it will take us.
Imagine you’re driving from New York City to San Diego. It is your first time driving across country; it’s a long trip. You find your- self lost, somewhere in West Texas, and your mind convinces you that San Diego is too far, and you’ll never be able to make it. So, you turn your car around and head back to New York.
You might be asking why would I turn around? From Texas, the map clearly shows my progress, all I have to do is follow it. I’m half- way to San Diego!
Precisely, with a map, everything becomes clearer; you know exactly where you are and how much farther you have to go. But what if you’re making the trip without navigation, a map or even road signs to help? Instead, you must rely on the setting sun for guidance. Driving long hours without a clear course, you’re forced into making multiple detours. Frustrated, your mind talks you out of your progress, convincing you to head back to New York.
Too often this is the way we approach life. We amble along, without guidance and after a few weeks or months, still well short of our goal, we quit; reverting to our old ways because, we are unable to see any progress.
We’re like the little kid in the back seat, without an understanding of where we’re headed and how long it’s going to take. We lack a clear course to navigate through life.
We do this with our self; “work and home responsibilities leave me no time for my own interests and friendships. I’ll work on it after the kids have moved out.”
We do this with our health; January’s New Year’s resolutions consist of healthier foods and a commitment to exercise. Sore and tired by February, seeing little progress, we quit.
We do this as parents; “I don’t have time to play with the kids today, I have deadlines to meet.” Before we know it, our children are older and choose friends over us.
We do this in marriage; we become nice, forgiving, and thought- ful but if our spouse fails to meet our expectations, we shut off the nice-forgiving-thoughtful tap.
We do this at work; “I have to work on this deal. The money I make provides the lifestyle we need. Work takes precedent.”
Turning the course of your marriage around, making better food choices, establishing a consistent exercise routine or handling challenges at work all require an incremental approach. Instead, we fixate on the distance to go asking, “why aren’t we there yet?” rather than the progress made.
Change, disguised as despair, is a gift motivating you to act.
When you create a life vision, you begin seeing the way it could be, the way it will be. Simplify the process. Focus less on the distance remaining and more on the progress made.
